Letter to my Butterfly

I decided today was the perfect day to post this letter that I wrote to Eliana, exactly three months ago, on the evening before her funeral. That day was the last time I held her in my arms, and today is supposed to be the day I would hold her for the first time. The original copy of this letter is placed underneath her in her casket.

Dear Eliana,

I got to see you today. Tomorrow will be the last time until we see you in heaven. You looked so beautiful in your cute white dress with the pink, your long eyelashes, and all your dark hair. You are perfect, created in the image of God and taken to be with Him so early. You would be such a beautiful little girl someday, with little pig-tails in your hair and a ballerina tutu to wear when dancing in the sunshine. Now you're dancing in heaven. I wish I could hear you laugh and hear you sing, but now you sing with the angels. I wish I could hold you in my arms, look into your eyes, and tell you how very much I love you. But somehow, Jesus loves you even more.

I would have held you, rocked you, fed you, dressed you, and sung you lullabies every day. I would have poured my life into you, Eliana. I would give you my life now if I could. Your heart was beating so close to mine for so long, I wonder how mine can go on without you. Only because the same One who made you and cradles you cradles me too. How else could I get through without knowing that the same Jesus who took you to be with Him, loves you, and loves me with a greater intensity than a mother's love for her baby. In the same way that I would give my life for you, He did give His life for me and for you so that we could be with Him and be together one day.

The next time I see you, I don't know what it will be like. I know you won't be my baby girl like you would be on earth, but I hope you will know that I love you in a very deep and special way. I hope we will get to dance and make music, and worship together with full knowledge of the bond we share. I know I have to say goodbye, but I look forward to the day we will really meet. Until then, I will always love you, and you will always be a part of me and of our family.

All my love and hugs and kisses,

Mommy