What Might Have Been

I'm rushing around with last minute details in the kitchen as I hear her laughing from the other room. I hand Mark the ice cream and butterfly cake, and then squeeze past him to get a view of her face as he sets them down in front of her and lights the candles. Her eyes light up and sparkle when she sees it and she claps her hands.

She sits in her booster, squirming and reaching to grab her cake. Only moments ago she was toddling around the room and had to be corralled by Grandma to get her confined in the seat. She took her first steps a month ago, but only this week started really getting places, just in time for today.

I see her looking so cute, still my baby, but really starting to look like a little girl. Her hair has gotten longer, so she just barely has pig tails today and looks so pretty in the colorful dress I had chosen during my pregnancy and saved for this occasion.

How quickly a year has gone, so many firsts and so much laughter...

As soon as she gets her piece of cake she digs right in and squishes it all up between her fingers, then she decides to taste it, and by the end she is basically wearing it, not just all over her face, but even in her hair and on her dress!

Daddy cleans her up, and she can't wait to get down and play. She toddles over to me and hides behind my legs, peeking out and giggling at Grandpa. Soon she starts to open presents. This is a new concept, and I end up opening most of them for her. She seems more interested in crinkling the wrapping paper and playing with the boxes than the actual gifts, but when we give her the baby doll we got for her she squeezes it tight and we snap a picture. Then she gives me a big hug like she knows that she is the dolly's Mommy just like I am her Mommy.

What a perfect day...

Of course all of this is only the shadow of what might have been. When I close my eyes, I can see her, and I can almost hear us singing
"Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday Eliana, Happy Birthday to you..."