Friday, October 9, 2009

5 Months of Memories

Dear Eliana,

5 months ago today, was the day we saw you for the very first time, held you in our arms, and sang to you. It was the saddest day because we had to let you go, but it was a precious day, because we got to see you for just a little while. Even though I was almost 26 weeks pregnant, I actually only knew about you for 5 months. I can't believe that I have now been living without you for the same amount of time that I knew you were alive. Those are months that I will hang onto forever, remembering until the day we are together again.

When I first found out I was expecting you, I was so happy! It was getting close to Christmas, so I thought it would be a perfect present for Daddy if I could keep it a secret until then. Soon, my excitement won over, though, and I decided I had to tell him sooner. Grandma and Grandpa Kline were taking care of your brothers, so Daddy and I decided to go out to eat together. I told him I had one early Christmas present for him. I wrapped up a little baby carriage ornament and a baby bib. He was really surprised and so happy about you! Soon we told Caedmon he was going to have a baby brother or sister. He said "Is it really true, Daddy?!" He was thrilled to know you were on the way and would be here before his 5th birthday.

When we went out to eat at Long John Silver's, before telling the rest of the family, Caedmon announced loudly to the whole restaurant, "We're going to have a new baby!" Thank goodness no one was there who knew us!

At Christmas, we surprised my family by wrapping up a gift for Grandma Vicky to open. It was a box with some diapers that said "Another Little One to love and snuggle, August 2009." Grandma, Aunt Mary, Aunt Shanya, Grandma and Grandpa Bryngelson, and all Mommy's aunts, uncles, and cousins were so happy for us! People started saying, "Maybe it will be a little girl this time!" Here we are as a happy family on Christmas, full of anticipation to spend Christmas with you next year.

We let Caedmon tell Grandma Kline at lunch. He said "We have a surprise!...A new car!" (Your brother has a silly sense of humor) Then he said, "We're going to have a baby!" At the Kline Christmas, Aunt Sarah and Uncle Jonathan announced they were expecting too! Everyone was so happy about both you and your cousin, and Sarah and I were excited you would be so close in age!

You were with me on my 28th birthday when I made a wish for a healthy baby. My cake even had butterflies on it, and one of them is the one that Caedmon sent with you in your casket.

Daddy spent my birthday painting the house to put it on the market. We wanted to move to make more room for you!

On Valentine's Day, Daddy made a special cookie cake that said "K X 5" meaning that you made us a family of 5 Klines.

Grandma Vicky helped Caedmon make some Valentine people to look like our family, and when he made Mommy, he wanted to make the baby in Mommy's tummy too.

On March 11th we found out that you were a girl, and couldn't have been any happier. Daddy and I went out and bought some clothes for you. Everyone was so excited for us. Grandma Barbara reminded me that she still had a beautiful Christmas dress and a snowsuit in her closet that she was saving for my little girl. They would be just the right size for you this year. Soon after that I began feeling your little flutters and kicks, and a couple weeks later, Daddy could feel it too. I loved feeling you move throughout the day, and sometimes even at night I would wake up just to feel you swishing around. Also in March, we celebrated Daddy turning 30 with a big yummy ice cream cake. I know you loved ice cream just as much as I do!!

In April you were with us at Easter as we celebrated Jesus' Ressurection. Caedmon, Jayden, and your cousin Julia all had fun visiting the Easter bunny, and I looked forward to having you celebrate with us next year, wearing the lamb dress Daddy and I bought for you.

We had our first Snookies' ice cream of the year in April, and I'm sure you got a taste of Mommy's strawberry milkshake!

I was so happy to be carrying you through all our fun times and memories of those 5 months, and always looked forward to you joining us next year in all our fun!

Your last week with us was extra special. We did so many fun things together that week! We took you to Grandpa's choir concert and to the circus.

Caedmon had his last night as a "Cubbie" at Awanas.

On three different days we went to Waterworks park to enjoy the beauty of God's creation. Every year we love to go there while the cherry blossom trees are in bloom. These were our last special memories as a family of 5. Our times with you were some of the happiest of our lives, and we miss you and love you always!

Loving you with all our hearts, Baby Elli!


  1. Lovey, You're still a Kline family of five...Elli just lives in Heaven and is waiting for the rest of you to join her in glory. This was a lovely letter for your daughter and I know each moment that she was here with you on earth will forever be in your memories. Its the memories and all the plans and dreams that we have for our babies that make living down here without them even more difficult.

    I've lived 14 months now without my Lily and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish August 3, 2008 was just a ordinary day instead of the day that my daughter died. She was my firstborn and as I prepare for her little brother (well as much as you can do being cooped up in the hospital!), I can't help but cry because I know she would've been a great big sister.


  2. This is such a beautiful post! I am so sorry Eliana is not here with you to make new memories. I know you cherish all the memories you made with her while she was here. I think it so neat how you wanted to surprise your family for Christmas with her. My hubby and me did that with Jenna. We bought the grandparents items that were engraved "Grandma" and "Grandpa" and they were completely floored, happy, but definitely surprised. It was special =)

    Thank you for sharing these memories. The cherry blossom pictures are especially lovely.


  3. Remembering your sweet little girl with you today. They are never far from our thoughts and always in our hearts.