Missing You

Oh Eliana, we just love and miss you so much. As we enjoy and fall in love with your sweet baby brother, your big brothers, Daddy, and I are reminded even more of you, and all those moments that we missed together. At dinner last night, we were all just talking about you. Jayden said a little prayer asking God for you not to be in heaven, and he asked me, "Don't you want Eliana to come back from heaven, Mommy?" I told him that I miss you and wish very much that you were here with us, but you're so happy in heaven we wouldn't want you to have to leave. Caedmon said he wishes that you were here sleeping, drinking mommy's milk, and getting your diaper changed like Benjamin. We all agreed that we wish we could have both of our babies here. Soon I had to leave the table because I was just missing you so much.

Just then Ben was waking up and wanted to eat. Sometimes when I look at him, I see you too. He has your mouth and chin, and I can just picture holding you, talking to you, and nursing you...all those special moments that exist only in my imagination. When I hold him close, my love for him is just so deep, and I'm so grateful to be able to express it to him, but it hurts, knowing I will never be able to do this with you. You deserve all the love that this world has to offer, but as I type I'm reminded that this world doesn't really have a whole lot to offer, in comparison with all the love of God, in it's infinite fullness, that you are wrapped in.

*thank you to Mary for this beautiful drawing!

Ephesians 3:17-19
And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.