The Joy of a Little Boy

Today my heart is filled with joy about our sweet little boy on the way. The time is drawing nearer to the day we will hold him in our arms. It gets more real with each passing day, and we fall more and more in love with him. He is so active now, and seems to be on a sleeping and waking schedule. I'll have to change that as soon as he's born though, because he seems to be awake all through the night, and asleep a lot throughout the day!!

This morning we had an ultrasound with the perinatologist. They decided to send us there for a more high-tech ultrasound to see his bowel more clearly, and determine if we really need to monitor it any further since it has seemed to improve. It was a little unsettling just to go to that office, somewhere I really never wanted to be, but it brought a real peace and thankfulness to my heart knowing that we are so fortunate that he is doing as well as he is. There was a palpable tension in the waiting area, and my heart went out to other parents, wondering what news they might be receiving that day.

Our appointment went very well. The tech was friendly, and happy to turn on the 3-D and print off tons of cute pictures of his little face. It was so fun to see him yawning, moving his tongue around, putting his hands up to his mouth. It helps me to be able to picture him more outside the womb and in my arms, doing these same cute things in a couple months. It still seems so far away, elusive almost, but yet it becomes more real when we see him like this.







His mouth definitely resembles Eliana, and also our other two boys. I think they all have their Daddy's mouth.


I asked about his size, and she said he is measuring two weeks ahead, at 33 weeks when I am at 31! He weighs over 4 lbs. Although it might ultimately mean a harder delivery, this was great news for us. Each of our boys have measured big, born at 9 lb. 6 oz., and 8 lb. 11 oz. Most of the babies born to other members of our family have also been big, so I would have been a little more concerned about his digestion and possible CF if he wasn't a bit oversized.:)

The Dr. came in and gave us a pretty good report. He said the baby looks like he's doing really well, and upon very careful inspection of the bowel, he could say there might be a "soft marker," but it is slight enough that he really doesn't see a need to be concerned about it any further at this point. Of course he'll be tested after he's born, but at this point we can just breath easy until then. And that's what we intend to do, accompanied by lots of prayer:).

Since our house hasn't sold, we are taking it off the market for now so we can get things ready for the baby. It's time to start making plans about how to fit all of his things into our little house, and really prepare for his arrival! Not to mention, he still needs a name! We're working on it, but we have several choices that we like, so it's a matter of narrowing it down to one that we both feel really good about.

I've been able to buy him some special things lately, both at the store and at garage sales. Even though we have two other boys, this is our first summer baby, so he needs some things of his own.

Each of these steps of preparation is helping not only to prepare our home, but to prepare our hearts for his arrival. I've been attached to him all along, but in the last month or so, I feel I've been able to let go of some of the fear so that I can love him more openly and freely. Even though there are still no guarantees, it's just not worth it to hold anything back when it comes to loving him. Whether one of our children's days here with us are many or few I want to love them as deeply and wholeheartedly as possible every one of those days. I'm so glad that I was able to love Eliana fully, without holding anything back. Even though it makes the loss so much more difficult, it is so worth it to have had the joy of loving her.

Maybe it has taken me a bit longer this time, but I'm so thankful God has been bringing healing into our lives this year, allowing me to open my heart to love this little one with the same intensity as each of our babies. We're so excited for him to get here so we can show him just how loved he is. God is so good, and continues to give us so much hope and peace that this baby will bring such blessing into our lives, whether he has CF or not. He already has, and so have each of our children.

Here are some pics of baby things I've gotten for him.
This is one of my favorites. I love how cute the one-piece gowns are, and how easy they are for changing diapers, so we had to have these!

We let each of the boys pick something out for him too. Caedmon chose puppy slippers, and Jayden the puppy blanket.

With a big sister in heaven, and two big brothers to keep up with, of course he needs the little brother onesie.

Some cute plaid short for summer, just like his big brothers



When I said, "My foot is slipping," your love, O LORD, supported me.
When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.
Psalm 94:18-20