Friday, April 30, 2010
A Beautiful Gift
I feel so grateful to be able to post these truly amazing drawings by a wonderful woman in France named Maryline. I was able to get in touch with her through Holly after seeing the beautiful tribute Maryline did for Carleigh. I can't tell you how much it touches my heart for a woman across the world to be thinking of our precious Eliana, and to give our family such a gift. We really didn't get very many pictures, and even fewer that we can share, so these are priceless to me.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Heartbreaking
Please bring my friend Becky to God in prayer, along with her husband, son, and daughter. I learned today that their 7 month old son Seth went to be with Jesus during the night last night. He was unable to see, and had been having issues with seizures, and most recently feeding, but this was certainly unexpected. I just feel so heartbroken for Seth's Mommy and Daddy and big brother and sister. Even with the loss we've had, I really can't imagine what they are going through, but I can definitely relate. Please ask the Lord to bring them peace like a river, as only He can, and to wrap them in a blanket of His comfort and love. We thought Seth and Eliana would have played together on earth, now they are exploring heaven together.
Today's passage on biblegateway.com was Job 19:25-27
I know that my Redeemer lives,
and that in the end he will stand upon the earth.
And after my skin has been destroyed,
yet in my flesh I will see God;
I myself will see him
with my own eyes—I, and not another.
How my heart yearns within me!
Seth is seeing Him now, with his own eyes, and after being blind on earth, he has already seen more beauty than those of us here can imagine. He had mostly lost the ability to smile, but in heaven he is filled with joy indescribable!
And that is our hope as well. Even in the midst of unspeakable suffering, Job was comforted only by that one sustaining thought: my Redeemer lives, and one day I will see Him with my own eyes.
Today's passage on biblegateway.com was Job 19:25-27
I know that my Redeemer lives,
and that in the end he will stand upon the earth.
And after my skin has been destroyed,
yet in my flesh I will see God;
I myself will see him
with my own eyes—I, and not another.
How my heart yearns within me!
Seth is seeing Him now, with his own eyes, and after being blind on earth, he has already seen more beauty than those of us here can imagine. He had mostly lost the ability to smile, but in heaven he is filled with joy indescribable!
And that is our hope as well. Even in the midst of unspeakable suffering, Job was comforted only by that one sustaining thought: my Redeemer lives, and one day I will see Him with my own eyes.
Monday, April 26, 2010
The Joy of a Little Boy
Today my heart is filled with joy about our sweet little boy on the way. The time is drawing nearer to the day we will hold him in our arms. It gets more real with each passing day, and we fall more and more in love with him. He is so active now, and seems to be on a sleeping and waking schedule. I'll have to change that as soon as he's born though, because he seems to be awake all through the night, and asleep a lot throughout the day!!
This morning we had an ultrasound with the perinatologist. They decided to send us there for a more high-tech ultrasound to see his bowel more clearly, and determine if we really need to monitor it any further since it has seemed to improve. It was a little unsettling just to go to that office, somewhere I really never wanted to be, but it brought a real peace and thankfulness to my heart knowing that we are so fortunate that he is doing as well as he is. There was a palpable tension in the waiting area, and my heart went out to other parents, wondering what news they might be receiving that day.
Our appointment went very well. The tech was friendly, and happy to turn on the 3-D and print off tons of cute pictures of his little face. It was so fun to see him yawning, moving his tongue around, putting his hands up to his mouth. It helps me to be able to picture him more outside the womb and in my arms, doing these same cute things in a couple months. It still seems so far away, elusive almost, but yet it becomes more real when we see him like this.
His mouth definitely resembles Eliana, and also our other two boys. I think they all have their Daddy's mouth.
I asked about his size, and she said he is measuring two weeks ahead, at 33 weeks when I am at 31! He weighs over 4 lbs. Although it might ultimately mean a harder delivery, this was great news for us. Each of our boys have measured big, born at 9 lb. 6 oz., and 8 lb. 11 oz. Most of the babies born to other members of our family have also been big, so I would have been a little more concerned about his digestion and possible CF if he wasn't a bit oversized.:)
The Dr. came in and gave us a pretty good report. He said the baby looks like he's doing really well, and upon very careful inspection of the bowel, he could say there might be a "soft marker," but it is slight enough that he really doesn't see a need to be concerned about it any further at this point. Of course he'll be tested after he's born, but at this point we can just breath easy until then. And that's what we intend to do, accompanied by lots of prayer:).
Since our house hasn't sold, we are taking it off the market for now so we can get things ready for the baby. It's time to start making plans about how to fit all of his things into our little house, and really prepare for his arrival! Not to mention, he still needs a name! We're working on it, but we have several choices that we like, so it's a matter of narrowing it down to one that we both feel really good about.
I've been able to buy him some special things lately, both at the store and at garage sales. Even though we have two other boys, this is our first summer baby, so he needs some things of his own.
Each of these steps of preparation is helping not only to prepare our home, but to prepare our hearts for his arrival. I've been attached to him all along, but in the last month or so, I feel I've been able to let go of some of the fear so that I can love him more openly and freely. Even though there are still no guarantees, it's just not worth it to hold anything back when it comes to loving him. Whether one of our children's days here with us are many or few I want to love them as deeply and wholeheartedly as possible every one of those days. I'm so glad that I was able to love Eliana fully, without holding anything back. Even though it makes the loss so much more difficult, it is so worth it to have had the joy of loving her.
Maybe it has taken me a bit longer this time, but I'm so thankful God has been bringing healing into our lives this year, allowing me to open my heart to love this little one with the same intensity as each of our babies. We're so excited for him to get here so we can show him just how loved he is. God is so good, and continues to give us so much hope and peace that this baby will bring such blessing into our lives, whether he has CF or not. He already has, and so have each of our children.
Here are some pics of baby things I've gotten for him.
This is one of my favorites. I love how cute the one-piece gowns are, and how easy they are for changing diapers, so we had to have these!
We let each of the boys pick something out for him too. Caedmon chose puppy slippers, and Jayden the puppy blanket.
With a big sister in heaven, and two big brothers to keep up with, of course he needs the little brother onesie.
Some cute plaid short for summer, just like his big brothers
When I said, "My foot is slipping," your love, O LORD, supported me.
When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.
Psalm 94:18-20
This morning we had an ultrasound with the perinatologist. They decided to send us there for a more high-tech ultrasound to see his bowel more clearly, and determine if we really need to monitor it any further since it has seemed to improve. It was a little unsettling just to go to that office, somewhere I really never wanted to be, but it brought a real peace and thankfulness to my heart knowing that we are so fortunate that he is doing as well as he is. There was a palpable tension in the waiting area, and my heart went out to other parents, wondering what news they might be receiving that day.
Our appointment went very well. The tech was friendly, and happy to turn on the 3-D and print off tons of cute pictures of his little face. It was so fun to see him yawning, moving his tongue around, putting his hands up to his mouth. It helps me to be able to picture him more outside the womb and in my arms, doing these same cute things in a couple months. It still seems so far away, elusive almost, but yet it becomes more real when we see him like this.
His mouth definitely resembles Eliana, and also our other two boys. I think they all have their Daddy's mouth.
I asked about his size, and she said he is measuring two weeks ahead, at 33 weeks when I am at 31! He weighs over 4 lbs. Although it might ultimately mean a harder delivery, this was great news for us. Each of our boys have measured big, born at 9 lb. 6 oz., and 8 lb. 11 oz. Most of the babies born to other members of our family have also been big, so I would have been a little more concerned about his digestion and possible CF if he wasn't a bit oversized.:)
The Dr. came in and gave us a pretty good report. He said the baby looks like he's doing really well, and upon very careful inspection of the bowel, he could say there might be a "soft marker," but it is slight enough that he really doesn't see a need to be concerned about it any further at this point. Of course he'll be tested after he's born, but at this point we can just breath easy until then. And that's what we intend to do, accompanied by lots of prayer:).
Since our house hasn't sold, we are taking it off the market for now so we can get things ready for the baby. It's time to start making plans about how to fit all of his things into our little house, and really prepare for his arrival! Not to mention, he still needs a name! We're working on it, but we have several choices that we like, so it's a matter of narrowing it down to one that we both feel really good about.
I've been able to buy him some special things lately, both at the store and at garage sales. Even though we have two other boys, this is our first summer baby, so he needs some things of his own.
Each of these steps of preparation is helping not only to prepare our home, but to prepare our hearts for his arrival. I've been attached to him all along, but in the last month or so, I feel I've been able to let go of some of the fear so that I can love him more openly and freely. Even though there are still no guarantees, it's just not worth it to hold anything back when it comes to loving him. Whether one of our children's days here with us are many or few I want to love them as deeply and wholeheartedly as possible every one of those days. I'm so glad that I was able to love Eliana fully, without holding anything back. Even though it makes the loss so much more difficult, it is so worth it to have had the joy of loving her.
Maybe it has taken me a bit longer this time, but I'm so thankful God has been bringing healing into our lives this year, allowing me to open my heart to love this little one with the same intensity as each of our babies. We're so excited for him to get here so we can show him just how loved he is. God is so good, and continues to give us so much hope and peace that this baby will bring such blessing into our lives, whether he has CF or not. He already has, and so have each of our children.
Here are some pics of baby things I've gotten for him.
This is one of my favorites. I love how cute the one-piece gowns are, and how easy they are for changing diapers, so we had to have these!
We let each of the boys pick something out for him too. Caedmon chose puppy slippers, and Jayden the puppy blanket.
With a big sister in heaven, and two big brothers to keep up with, of course he needs the little brother onesie.
Some cute plaid short for summer, just like his big brothers
When I said, "My foot is slipping," your love, O LORD, supported me.
When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.
Psalm 94:18-20
Thursday, April 15, 2010
A Wonderful Weekend
As busy as we've been, I'm just now getting to post about Easter weekend. We had a great time with my family in Marshalltown. We left Friday night, so we brought Caedmon and Jayden in their PJs so we could just carry them into bed when we got there. They were so excited to be going, and to load their own suitcases into the van.
They had such a great time while we were there, playing with cousins, and enjoying two egg hunts and a puppet show. We gave them scooters, and my mom gave them some other outdoor things, so they spent a lot of the weekend outside. It was gorgeous weather! Even our littlest easter bunny, growing away in Mommy's tummy, got to come outside.:)
Of course, we were thinking a lot about Eliana that weekend, and wishing she could be with us to celebrate. She would be 8 months, just big enough to be sitting there with her cousins. I would have so loved to see her wearing her pretty Easter dress, grinning with a big bow in her hair! When we found out she was a girl, it seemed a little unreal after seeing so much blue twice in a row, so we immediately went out and got her four out-fits. One was going to be her first Easter dress.
We got one little stuffed bunny for each of our little bunnies, Caedmon, Jayden, Eliana, and our little guy whose name is yet to be determined.
Another very special thing we did that weekend, was to order Eliana's gravestone! We have been praying all year that God would provide enough to pay for it, and while we had saved some, we weren't very close until we found out we would be getting more back from our tax return this year than expected. God did provide more than enough, with some left over for our roof repair. When I went to order it, the price they quoted us was also much higher than it had been before, so we almost ordered something different than what we had picked out. Fortunately, they were able to do some more checking, and found it cheaper through another company. So, she will have a butterfly marker, placed just in time for her first birthday in heaven on Mother's Day this year!! I feel so blessed to finally have her name where it can be preserved through time.
We also brought Eliana flowers for her grave-site. I took a photo with her bunnies, one we had bought her on sale after Easter last year, and the other from this year. After the visit, I just held those little bunnies, wishing so much she could be in my arms.
The boys had fun again playing on the lambs in the gardens, bringing to mind again the thought of Jesus holding each of our little lambs in his arms, two on earth, two in heaven with him, and one in the womb. (I wrote more on that in this post)
On Easter weekend, while missing our daughter, having so much fun with our two sons, and anticipating the birth of another boy, we were just so thankful for the God we serve. We are just so blessed that we serve a risen Savior. We have so much more to praise Him for than new scooters, nice weather, and even the money for a very special piece of granite. Jesus Christ died on the cross and rose again, He is alive in heaven caring for our daughter and preparing a place for each of us. He has claimed victory over the grave, so for those who believe in Him, we won't just miss and remember our loved ones who have left us, we will actually live with them again in a place that defies imagination. Then our time of sorrow will seem like only the blink of an eye, and all the sadness will melt away into perfect peace and joy.
I love this song by Chris Tomlin, it describes that hope so well. My husband heard it for the first time on his drive from work to meet me at the Drs. office after receiving the news that Eliana didn't have a heartbeat.
"I Will Rise"
There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"
Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead
[Chorus:]
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise
There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes
Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead
[Chorus:]
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise
And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
[x2]
[Chorus:]
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise
They had such a great time while we were there, playing with cousins, and enjoying two egg hunts and a puppet show. We gave them scooters, and my mom gave them some other outdoor things, so they spent a lot of the weekend outside. It was gorgeous weather! Even our littlest easter bunny, growing away in Mommy's tummy, got to come outside.:)
Of course, we were thinking a lot about Eliana that weekend, and wishing she could be with us to celebrate. She would be 8 months, just big enough to be sitting there with her cousins. I would have so loved to see her wearing her pretty Easter dress, grinning with a big bow in her hair! When we found out she was a girl, it seemed a little unreal after seeing so much blue twice in a row, so we immediately went out and got her four out-fits. One was going to be her first Easter dress.
We got one little stuffed bunny for each of our little bunnies, Caedmon, Jayden, Eliana, and our little guy whose name is yet to be determined.
Another very special thing we did that weekend, was to order Eliana's gravestone! We have been praying all year that God would provide enough to pay for it, and while we had saved some, we weren't very close until we found out we would be getting more back from our tax return this year than expected. God did provide more than enough, with some left over for our roof repair. When I went to order it, the price they quoted us was also much higher than it had been before, so we almost ordered something different than what we had picked out. Fortunately, they were able to do some more checking, and found it cheaper through another company. So, she will have a butterfly marker, placed just in time for her first birthday in heaven on Mother's Day this year!! I feel so blessed to finally have her name where it can be preserved through time.
We also brought Eliana flowers for her grave-site. I took a photo with her bunnies, one we had bought her on sale after Easter last year, and the other from this year. After the visit, I just held those little bunnies, wishing so much she could be in my arms.
The boys had fun again playing on the lambs in the gardens, bringing to mind again the thought of Jesus holding each of our little lambs in his arms, two on earth, two in heaven with him, and one in the womb. (I wrote more on that in this post)
On Easter weekend, while missing our daughter, having so much fun with our two sons, and anticipating the birth of another boy, we were just so thankful for the God we serve. We are just so blessed that we serve a risen Savior. We have so much more to praise Him for than new scooters, nice weather, and even the money for a very special piece of granite. Jesus Christ died on the cross and rose again, He is alive in heaven caring for our daughter and preparing a place for each of us. He has claimed victory over the grave, so for those who believe in Him, we won't just miss and remember our loved ones who have left us, we will actually live with them again in a place that defies imagination. Then our time of sorrow will seem like only the blink of an eye, and all the sadness will melt away into perfect peace and joy.
I love this song by Chris Tomlin, it describes that hope so well. My husband heard it for the first time on his drive from work to meet me at the Drs. office after receiving the news that Eliana didn't have a heartbeat.
"I Will Rise"
There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"
Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead
[Chorus:]
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise
There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes
Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead
[Chorus:]
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise
And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
[x2]
[Chorus:]
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise
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